Alone In This Bed
by Michelle Clover
Summary: One shot based on the Framing Hanley song. Alistair broke Madelyn's heart after the Landsmeet by telling her they could no longer be together. Upon hearing that she went missing after a darkspawn attack on Vigil's Keep, he realizes that he made the worst mistake of his life by letting her go. When he discovers that she is alive, he makes the decision to win back her heart.


**A/N: This is a fic I wrote based on the song "Alone in this Bed" by Framing Hanley. Bioware owns all rights to characters and worlds. **

_Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars. I think that He owes me a favor. It doesn't matter where you are, I'll hold you again.—Framing Hanley_

Alistair laid in bed just staring up into the blackness of his ceiling. Once again, his dreams had been haunted by her, the only woman he had ever loved. It had been nearly four months since Madelyn Amell had slain the archdemon and saved everyone from the Blight, yet he still couldn't keep her from his thoughts nearly every minute of every day.

The past several days had been even more difficult after the king had been told that both Amaranthine and Vigil's Keep had been attacked by a horde of darkspawn and that the Warden Commander had gone missing. Even though Alistair had broken her heart by ending their relationship, he still loved her as much as he ever did and he feared for her life.

_Why? _He berated himself. _Why in the Maker's name did you do that to her? Why did you allow others to influence you to put an end to the best thing that ever happened to you? Why did you send her away like that? Now she's probably dead and it's your own damn fault. She'll never know how much she meant to you…how much you cared._

A loud rapping at the door roused Alistair from his introspection. "Come in" he called as he sat up.

The door creaked open allowing light from the hall to cut the darkness. A young man in armor stood in the entryway, blocking some of the glare from the king's eyes. "Your Majesty…I am sorry to disturb you, but the Captain said that it was urgent. He received a message from Vigil's Keep a few moments ago and told me to bring it right up for you."

Alistair jumped out of bed, not even bothering to cover himself, before hurrying toward the young soldier and grabbing the piece of parchment from his hand. The king broke the seal with trembling hands. His heart was pumping so fast, he thought that it might explode within his chest. He was afraid of the words the message held, but at the same time, he had to know. He unfolded the letter and his shoulders relaxed when his eyes fell upon the delicate handwriting he knew so well.

_Your Majesty,_

_I have just returned to the Keep and I wanted to inform you that the darkspawn threat has been dealt with and, even though the city of Amaranthine and Vigil's Keep are a little worse for the wear, both still stand._

_Regards,_

_M. Amell, Grey Warden Commander of Ferelden_

Alistair breathed a sigh of relief. Maddy was safe. The question was, however, why did he not feel much better than he had a few moments ago? He read the note over once more. Her words revealed no feeling, no hint of what they had once shared. What else could he expect from her though?

The king suddenly realized that the soldier who had delivered the message was still standing before him, awaiting further instructions. Alistair gave a small nod. "Thank you…that will be all."

The young man clapped a fist to his heart and gave a low bow. "As you say, Your Majesty." Then he turned and walked from the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Alistair alone in the darkness once again.

The former Grey Warden crossed the room and laid down upon his bed once more before shutting his eyes tight. He turned onto one side and then the other. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get comfortable. It wasn't the first night he had suffered from that kind of insomnia. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in months…not since the night before the Landsmeet…the last night he and Maddy had slept together. Even though they spent most nights between two bedrolls on the ground, Alistair had never slept so soundly in his life than he did when she was in his arms. A little too soundly according to her some nights.

After what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, Alistair finally rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling once more. "I never wanted this" he choked around tears that had begun to sting his eyes. "I never wanted any of this. I didn't want to be king, yet here I am. I have given up my whole life in duty to my country. I helped defeat the archdemon and ended the Blight. Don't I deserve something for that? Don't I deserve some happiness for that? There is only one thing in this world I want, and you're telling me I can't have it after everything I've done? It's not fair. Dammit! It's not fair at all. You owe me. You owe Maddy."

He furiously wiped at his wet cheeks and eyes. His breaths were ragged and shallow as his chest rose up and down with his anger. He thought about what Maddy had said to him when they had visited his sister all those months ago. She told him that everyone was out for themselves and he should look out for himself more. It was then that Alistair made the most important decision of his life. He decided that he was going to go to Vigil's Keep and get Maddy back. He would plead and grovel until she forgave him and he would never allow her to leave his side again, no matter what anyone said. It was his life, and even though he was king, he would live it the way he saw fit.

Alistair quickly threw on a pair of trousers, a linen shirt, socks and leather boots. He didn't even want to wait until morning to leave because he didn't want to spend even one more night in that big empty bed without Maddy. He hurried through the long corridor and down the stairs. One of his guards stared at him questioningly before finally approaching him just as he reached the door leading into the castle's grand hall.

"Excuse me, Sire. It is quite late in the evening. Is there something I can get for you?"

Alistair shook his head as he continued through the grand hall. "No. I am on my way to the stables."

"The stables, Your Majesty?" the guard asked walking quickly to keep up with the king.

"Yes, I am headed to Amaranthine."

"But Sire, wouldn't it be better if you waited until morning?"

"No, I have to leave immediately."

"Then at least give me a few moments to gather some of my men to accompany you."

The king waggled his head again. "That won't be necessary. I want to do this on my own."

"But, Sire…Arl Eamon will not be pleased that I let you go off on your own."

"I'm not a child Gerald. I can do things on my own."

"But the arl…"

Alistair stopped and lifted his chin with an air of authority as he circled and glared at the other man. "The last time I checked, ser, I was the king, not Eamon. I am going and I am going alone. If the arl doesn't like it he can stuff it and mount it."

With those words, the king turned and made his way through the door and out into the night. The royal stables were on the other side of the compound and Alistair quickened his pace as he walked through the gardens. Once he reached the stables, he found a young boy sitting quietly by one of the stalls and ordered him to saddle the fastest horse available. Just as he lifted his foot to place it in the stirrup, he heard the sound of someone clearing his throat behind him.

"And where are you off to in such a hurry, Your Majesty?"

Alistair's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes. He was hoping to be far away from the castle grounds before Eamon got word of his departure. There was nothing else for it. He knew that he would have to face the arl sooner or later about this and he supposed there was no time like the present. He lifted himself up onto the saddle and peered down at the arl from atop the ebony steed.

"I am going to Vigil's Keep."

"May I ask why?"

"I'm going to find Madelyn and beg her to take me back."

Eamon shook his head. "Alistair," the older man sighed as he put a hand to his forehead "…we already talked about this. I hold a lot of respect for the girl. I did even before she slayed the archdemon. But there is no getting around the fact that she is a mage, which means she can never be queen. And that's beside the fact that the two of you could never have a child together. You need a queen of noble birth who doesn't have magic. One who can give you an heir."

"Contrary to popular belief, Eamon, I am not a fool. I know that I can never make her my queen. But that doesn't mean we can't be together. I can be king on my own. I don't need anyone ruling beside me. As far as an heir is concerned, the possibility of me being able to sire a child is slim to none anyway. It is very likely I will never have one no matter who I am with. You must face the fact that there is a very good chance that the Theirin bloodline ends with me."

"And what of your people, Your Majesty? Even putting the issue of heirs aside, if you are with a mage you will be accused of letting magic influence your rule. It could cause an all-out war with the Chantry. The last thing this country needs after a Blight is to have the Divine declare war and march upon it."

"And how much consideration did you give to your arling when you married Isolde so soon after the Orlesian occupation ended? Did you let that stop you from being with the woman you loved?" The king pulled up on the leather reins in his hand, leading the horse to turn toward the stable door. "Look, I appreciate your concern, Eamon, but I am not asking for your permission in this. I am going and that is final."

The arl pursed his lips and shrugged. "Then there is nothing I can do to stop you. But I think you are making a grave mistake."

"Your objection is noted, My Lord." Alistair nodded solemnly before digging his heels into his mount's hindquarters and leading it to gallop out into the waning night.

It was late in the morning by the time Alistair reached the gates of Vigil's Keep, his steed exhausted and bathed in a sheen of sweat from keeping such a fast pace the entire way. A large cloud of dust formed around the king as he brought the horse to a sudden halt and jumped down from the saddle. A guard standing to the right of the entrance held up his hand to stop Alistair from progressing any further.

"Halt!" he bellowed. "No one is allowed entry into the Keep by order of the Warden Commander."

"I have important business with the commander" Alistair stated as he tried to walk past the other man.

The guard shook his head. "You and every other bloke in Amaranthine. My orders are to let no one pass."

When Alistair had made the decision to go to the Keep alone, he hadn't given any thought to the fact that he might not be allowed entry after the stronghold had suffered an attack. Without an entourage, he had no idea how he was going to prove that he was the king. It wasn't as if he was dressed the part and most people outside of Denerim had never even seen him. Just then, a familiar gruff voice sounded from just beyond the gate.

"I think the commander would make an exception for the King of Ferelden, don't you?"

The guard eyed Alistair suspiciously. "Maybe so, but there's no way that this guy's the king."

"Well, it's your ass if your wrong son, but do ya really wanna take that chance?"

The guard grimaced at Alistair one last time before reluctantly nodding to another man just beyond the bars. The large iron gate began to rise and a red-headed dwarf limped toward the king with a crooked grin. "Alistair, my boy! How in the Stone have ya been?"

Alistair chuckled as he clasped wrists with the smaller man. "Just fine Oghren. How are the Wardens treating you? It looks like you're walking a little funny."

"Bah" the dwarf balked. "Just a flesh wound. No piece of nug shit darkspawn's gonna keep old Oghren down. So what are ya doin' here? Come to see the way those nug humpers redecorated the Keep?"

"Actually, I'm here to see the commander."

Oghren gave the king a knowing smile. "About sodding time. I was startin' to wonder when you were gonna pull your head outta your ass. It might take some convincin' though. Lately even the mention of your name around her pisses her off."

"Do you think groveling at her feet will help at all?"

"Couldn't hurt, but you might have to have somebody tie her to a chair to get that far."

Alistair slapped his friend on the back of the shoulder. "Well that's what you're here for, right Oghren?"

The dwarf raised a red brow. "Not a sodding chance, boy. I like ya, but I'm not about to bring the commander's wrath down on me. You're on yer own."

The king let out a long breath. "Can you at least tell me where I can find her?"

"The last time I saw the commander, she was in the main hall of the Keep talkin' to the seneschal."

"Thanks Oghren" Alistair called back as he quickly headed toward the castle.

"Good luck, son" the dwarf shouted. "Yer gonna need it."

When Alistair finally found his way inside the Keep, he almost ran straight into a tall blonde man sporting a Grey Warden uniform and a blonde ponytail. "Excuse me" he said quietly as he tried to sidle past.

Alistair put his hand to the other man's chest to stop him. "Do you know where I can find the commander?"

The blonde man pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "She's with Nate in the main hall."

"Nate?" the king asked curiously as he felt his stomach lurch. What if she had moved on? What if this Nate was her new lover?

"Yes, Nathaniel Howe."

"Excuse me? Did you say Howe? As in Arl Rendon Howe?"

The other man nodded. "Yes, he was Nate's father." The blonde man must have noticed the expression of concern on Alistair's face because he quickly added, "But Nate's alright. He and the commander have worked all that out." He scowled. "Wait…Don't I know you from somewhere?"

It then dawned on Alistair who the other man was. "Yes, you're the mage that Rylock wanted to take back to the Circle for killing a couple of templars."

The blonde mage took a step back before bowing low. "I apologize, Your Majesty. I didn't recognize you at first. My name is Anders."

"It's good to meet you, Anders."

"I never got the chance to thank you for not allowing Rylock to take me."

"So how do you like being a Grey Warden?" Alistair inquired.

Anders' face became forlorn as he shrugged a shoulder. "It's better than being in the Circle, but it's not exactly freedom."

Alistair folded his arms over his chest and arched a brow. "Oh?"

The blonde man shook his head with a smile. "Don't get me wrong, Your Majesty. I appreciate what you did for me and it helps that the commander is a former Circle mage as well. She understands and allows me to come and go as I please for the most part. It just would have been nice to be able to have control over my own life. But I suppose that was something that was never going to happen anyway."

Alistair couldn't help but feel sorry for the other man. He had spent more than half his life in the Chantry and was taught that mages needed to be locked away for the good of everyone. He had never really questioned that before he met Maddy, but she had opened his eyes to the fact that some mages could be trusted to be left to their own devices.

The king flashed a sympathetic smile. "Maybe someday mages will be allowed the freedom other men take for granted."

"Probably not in my lifetime, though" Anders frowned sadly.

Alistair realized that he was wasting time. He needed to find Maddy, but there was a question on his mind that he needed an answer to first. "So…Anders…this Nate you spoke of? You said that he and the commander worked things out. What exactly did you mean by that?"

Confusion creased the blonde man's brow for a moment, before the king's real question dawned on him. "Oh…no…it's nothing like that. They are friends…nothing more. The commander doesn't have that type of interest in anyone as far as I know."

Alistair couldn't help but grin. "That's good to know. Thank you Anders."

"Fair warning, though, Your Majesty" the blonde man added as Alistair began heading for the main hall. "The mere mention of your name or your title seems to…irritate her. You might want to arm yourself with a shield or something before you walk into that room."

The king's shoulders slumped. "I'll take that into advisement. Thank you again, my friend."

Anders gave a small bow of his head before turning toward the outer doors and Alistair once again began making his way to the main hall. When he finally reached the doors, he swallowed back a large lump that had formed in his throat and exhaled a long slow breath before pulling at the handles.

When he entered the hall, Madelyn was facing away from him, engaged in conversation with a tall dark-haired man with a longbow strapped to his back. The other man looked up to see who had entered which caused the commander to turn her head. The smile she had been wearing immediately dropped when her eyes fell upon the king. She squared her shoulders and threw back her head before turning to approach him, with the man she had been speaking with following close behind.

She addressed Alistair with a sharp bow. "Your Majesty. I wasn't expecting you. If I had gotten word of your arrival, I would have met you at the gates."

Even with the cold light in her deep blue eyes, Alistair couldn't help but be in awe of her beauty. "Maddy" he breathed.

"I suppose you have come to observe the damage to the Keep after the darkspawn attack. As you can see, it could have been much worse."

The king shook his head. "I don't give a damn about any of that, Maddy. I came here to see you."

The commander turned to the archer at her side. "Nathaniel, could you please excuse us? I need to speak to the king in private."

"Of course" Nathaniel replied before sneering at Alistair from his bowed head. "Your Majesty."

Once the dark haired man had closed the heavy wooden doors behind him, leaving the commander and the king alone, Madelyn grabbed Alistair by the arm and pulled him to the corner of the room.

"What's this about, Alistair?" she demanded. "Why are you here? Why now?"

"Maddy…" he began. He had rehearsed what he was going to say all the way to the Keep, but his mind had suddenly gone blank. He just stood there, staring at her for several minutes in silence.

She shook her head. "You made it perfectly clear months ago that there is no place for me in your life. I really don't see that there is any more to say on the subject." He reached out to touch her face, but she pulled away. "If you are not here on king's business, I think it is best if you go."

"But, Maddy…"

She glared at him with contempt. "King or no, you are still a Grey Warden and still subject to my command, at least in this place. Being as such, I order you to leave, Alistair. Go back to Denerim. As long as I am commander at Vigil's Keep, you are not to return here."

With that, she spun on her heel and began walking away from him. Panic gripped him as he watched her near the opposite door and it took only a moment for him to find both his feet and his voice. He ran around to her front and dropped to his knees before her. "Please, Maddy. Please…just hear me out. I love you, more than anything in this world. You mean everything to me. Nothing matters but you. I will do anything…anything to win back your heart. You can throw me in the dungeons for defying your orders if you wish, but I will not leave here without you."

She bit her bottom lip and he could see tears welling up in her blue eyes. "No, Alistair. As much as it pains me to say it…you were right. You are a king and I am a mage. It was never going to work between us. It was foolish of me to think otherwise."

"I don't care about any of that, Maddy. You are the only person in my life that has ever loved me. I can't just throw that away. I won't."

"Alistair…"

"You once told me that I should look out for myself more. That I should think of what I wanted and needed for a change instead of letting everyone else tell me what to do. Well, that's what I'm doing now. I am finally taking my life in my hands and fighting for what _I_ want for a change." He stood and took her face into his hands, and she did not pull away that time. "Look me in the eyes, Maddy, and tell me that you don't love me. Tell me you don't love me and I will go back to Denerim and never bother you again."

He felt her body tremble as she let out a long, ragged breath. "I can't. I can't tell you that I don't love you, Alistair…even though everything in me tells me that I should. But saying those words would be a betrayal to my heart."

He pressed his forehead to hers, his breaths coming in shallow pants. "Then come with me. Come back with me to Denerim and I swear to you that I will remain at your side through this life and the Veil beyond. We will walk the Deep Roads to our calling together and spend eternity in each other's arms. Even though our union will never be sanctioned in the eyes of the Chantry, I want you to be my wife. We don't need a priestess or document. We just need a promise between us and the Maker. Say you'll marry me, Maddy."

Alistair felt her nod against his forehead. "Yes," she murmured. "Yes, Alistair, I will marry you."

"Then, in the sight of the Maker I, Alistair Theirin, vow to you that I am yours and yours alone, Madelyn Amell and shall be forever."

She threw her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. "In the sight of the Maker I, Madelyn Amell, vow to you that I am yours and yours alone, Alistair Theirin, and shall be forever" she whispered softly into his ear.

With those words, he took her tear-stained cheeks into his hands once more and kissed her tenderly, sealing their vows and making the Hero of Ferelden his bride.


End file.
